Thursday, July 24, 2014

on four years

today is the four year anniversary of our wedding.  
july 24 of 2010 was 107 degrees with insane humidity.  but i did not really notice.  my bridesmaids were dropping like flies but i think i was in my own world with robert and i felt weightless and wispy and like everything but us was distant and a little hazy (i guess the haze was the steam from the pavement).  i really had no idea what i was getting into; i just knew that i loved robert, that he challenged me and made me want to be more like Jesus, and that he was tall, dark and handsome.  
four years in we have broken in our marriage a bit, bent it and shaped it and its feeling pretty comfortable now.  there were places where things did not quite fit at first like my stubbornness and his pride.   and many things were uncomfortable like the way that he made me realize that i love being right, all the time, and i think that i usually am (that one still feels uncomfortable more often than i would like).  and we have had to deal with the ebb and flow of realizing over and over again that we cannot do this on our own and then thinking that we could, and then realizing that we can't. 
at four years i am feeling like i made the right call saying yes to this one.  i am learning, still learning, how to be a wife that will honor and bless her husband rather than nag and curse. i am still learning how i fit into this role and how the parts of me that don't want to comply need to be adjusted and brought into line.
it has not been easy but it has been worth it.  worth every bit.
Im down for another four, or forty, or more.  

Friday, July 18, 2014

number eight

my parents built house number eight over twenty one years ago.  we did not just move into the house, it was built, from the ground up, for the jordans.  each bedroom was for a jordan kid, the guest room was built with specific guests in mind, each room was thought out and planned for our family.  and it was, and is, a beautiful house.

it sits up high on a bluff that overlooks the cascade mountains, highlighted by a close up of rainier, to the east, and the olympic mountains to the west.  and it is surrounded on most sides by water, an inlet of the pacific ocean.  the view is breathtaking and awe-inspiring. and it feels like most of my life has happened in that house.  

it was the place where i lived before i had any idea what evil was at work in the world.  the only trouble i knew about was when you roller bladed down the hill when you were not supposed to, and you ended up in a thorn bush.  or you tried to adopt a stray rottewiler without telling your parents.  i remember the lazy sunny summer lanes where i spent countless hours with siblings, cousins, and friends, picking blackberries and going on adventures. the secret fort that we protected with all valiancy and honor from any other neighborhood kids. it was our place.  
i moved out when i was 18, which was a long time ago, but still, every christmas, summer was always home.  and it was always ours.  and it was always the portal through which we reached back in time to our past and our friendships that have been around as long as we can remember.  

and that view from our porch was always there, with that mountain, as a respite, when i needed it. 

and as of last monday, i am pretty sure i will never be in number eight again.  

she is on the market and i will not likely be back in washington before she sells and is transferred to a new family who will have no idea how special each nook and cranny is. they won't know that i got engaged there.  they wont know that my sister and her husband sparked their friendship there.  they wont know that the hammerhead is where my brother and his friends played every sport imaginable. they wont know about any of it. and it won't matter to them.

and honestly i have been mourning the loss as if someone had died.  it feels that way to me. it feels like i will never be able to access so many moments that have made up so much of my life.  and im just sad.

maybe its dramatic, maybe its silly.  but that's it.

i may very well right more posts about it as the months go on and we actually sell the house. but for now ill just share my version of goodnigt moon, which came slowly about as i walked from room to room saying goodbye.  

goodbye number eight, where the jordans have dwelt
where sorrow and joy and life were all felt

goodbye to the places where we often stood
goodbye to our neighbors, and our neighborhood

goodbye to the games we played on and on
goodbye to the years, that now have all gone

goodbye ceilings where our laughter arose
goodbye warmth that we felt to our toes

goodbye club house, secret and hidden
goodbye driveway, by bicycles ridden

goodbye hallways where christmas lights glowed
goodbye corners where secrets were told

goodbye long summer days, so warm and so lazy
goodbye rainy cold winters that drove us all crazy

goodbye blackberry bushes so wild and sweet
goodbye view of rainier that nothing can beat

goodbye backyard where tents were pitched
goodbye staircase where backpacks were ditched

goodbye to those parties where the house was so full
of people who always at our hearts will pull

goodbye floor where his knee was bent
where i said yes, and off we went

goodbye memories made with each hour
goodbye ever tree, goodbye every flower

and now to the mountain, the water, and the sky
and to dear number eight, i bid you goodbye.  

Friday, July 11, 2014

eleven months of eden

eden is eleven months old today.  i am in washington with her for brittany's wedding (and there will be several posts about this trip in the coming days weeks).  i wanted to get these photos with her lying down and smiling, like all the other monthly photos have been.  but eden is not about lying still for anything these days so...that did not go so well.  ill chalk this one up to taking photos of real life, not the posed life that i try to portray sometimes. people are always asking me if she smiles for every photo.

but mooooom, i dont want to hold still for even one second
your protest is duly noted dear

today she will get all dolled up in her wedding best and hang out with her birthday buddy carter, whose mother julie has been a life long friend.  we actually had our babies on the same day.  yep.  hard to believe since carter weighs about seven pounds more than eden and looks like a two year old.  i had eden first, on the east coast, and then julie got the memo that if we wanted the impossible to happen, she needed to get with it.  she went into labor and had carter later on the same day.  (good thing we had that three hour time difference buffer or it would not have happened).  

she is eating...everything.  she has eaten chicken, turkey, beef, and bacon so now and its official; she is, to her daddy's pure joy, a meat eater.  she loves it so much, we have to cut her off.  she also loves carbonated water, she thinks its really funny and crinkles her nose up when she drinks it.  she has eaten quiche, rice pilaf with bacon, taco meat, homemade spaghetti sauce, quoina salad, kale muffins, amaranth and pumpkin, zucchini muffins, black bean and sweet potato hash, oatmeal, peaches, yogurt.  we let her lick a blackberry and ginger popsicle from king of pop and she was our best friend forever. oh, and she adores watermelon. basically it goes like this...she will eat whatever veggie i give her, until i add meat into the arena.  then its meat only and she ignores her veggies.  then, as soon as i add in watermelon, forget it.  that is all she wants.  so i have to layer her meals if i want her to stay interested.  she would swim in watermelon if she could.

she has a few little words.  she calls me mamamama and she says 'beeeee a beeeee' for please a good portion of the time.  its pretty much really precious.  especially when she stands in her crib after a nap and sings out 'beeee a beeeee'. she can also sign please and all done, but has her own funny versions of them.  she mostly just places her hand on her chest, like she is going to pledge allegiance.  its really cute.  sometimes she signs please in her sleep when i scoop her up before i go to bed.  i die. 

bed time is my favorite because i always sit with her for a moment before i put her down and just sing to her and enjoy the still.  she curls up on me and puts her curly head of hair up on my neck and does this baby koala thing around me. its just about the closest to thing to a perfect moment.  and then i lay her down on her back, put her bunny in her arm, and cover her up while she looks up at me wide eyed.  oh how i love those moments.

she has also taken her first few steps.  some wobbly ones toward mignon and some more defined ones toward me.  she never stops moving or making noise.  i love this about her. now she will take five or six in succession and be tickled pink and so proud of herself.  she knows its a big deal.  

she loves water.  bath, pool, hose, she does not have a preference, as long as water is involved.  the other day she was on my parents porch, naked as the day she was born, just enjoying the sunshine.  she peed all over the place and then i proceeded to hose off the porch.  as soon as the water came out she was all about it and played in the stream of water for a long time.  i love that she loves water and being outside.  it must be cause her mama was raised near the water.  

its hard to believe that her next age update will be one year.  i have no idea how that happened. 

happy 11 months eden! 


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