Tuesday, August 19, 2014

that time i got real vulnerable

so talking about finances with the blogger-sphere is not really my cup of tea.  i dont know you. and even if i know you, i dont know that i do, because i dont know who is reading.  but i have to be honest and share what God has done, and that has to do with our finances. so....

at the end of may i did this scary crazy exciting thing and became a consultant with arbonne international, a health and wellness company that creates pure, safe, and beneficial skin care, cosmetics and nutrition products.  i had plenty of reasons for not wanting to join, plenty of fears holding me back, and a sufficient amount of worry over the plausible outcomes.  but, i felt a clear leading to go ahead and jump in, so jump in i did, with gusto.

when i began with arbonne, my sponsor, my lovely sister, told me that i needed to come up with a list of whys for devoting my already too little time to yet another endeavor.  why would it be worth the effort?  why would it be worth the discomfort?  so i thought about it and realized that my number one why, although i have several, is eden.  eden is my bubbly, funny, loud, hilarious one year old and she is my why.  i want to be able to stay with her, be with her, and take time to raise her.  i want to be able to spend time with her that is meaningful time, not just co-occupy the kitchen in the evenings and snuggle a bit before bed.  i have a dream for my future where i am home with eden, and hopefully other little agabas, and that gets to be my job.

seen here looking way too big at kroger (headband by marla)

and that is so scary to me.  to think that i could have a stay at home job that i could work that would actually bring in the resources necessary.  but the thing im realizing is that, with arbonne, its already happening.  after three months working my business, i am already able to pay for eden's child care.  i have already turned a profit. i have already been promoted. i get to work with amazing women who encourage and teach me.  i get to represent a company and products that have integrity and that truly do out-perform and are so good for our bodies.

and i am just getting started.

i am so thankful for this provision that God has brought our way.  He can, and does, provide through such a wide array of means and it would seem that He intends to use arbonne to do just that.

so im going for it.  im putting my eggs in this basket and i am going after a dream of mine.  

anybody want in?

Monday, August 11, 2014

eden: one year down

eden is one year old today.  she arrived beautifully one year ago.  twelve blissful, confusing, challenging, beautiful, wonderful, scary months are at their end.  we made it baby and you are one fantastic one year old.
at 12 months she is walking everywhere.  her walk is fast and athletic, if not totally stable yet.  she gets everywhere she is going very very quickly and she keeps me on my toes.  but i really love that she is walking.  people in the grocery store would frequently say things to me like 'just wait till she is walking' or 'you will have your hands full when she starts walking', as if speaking out a dreaded warning that life would get horrible as soon as eden became upwardly mobile.  but its not terrible at all, its actually my very favorite.  when she sees me and wants me, she can run to me excitedly and crash into my arms.  how in the world could i not love that?  when i have my hands full of things, she can trail along next to me instead of me needing to hold her.  when its time for dinner, i can just say ''eden do you want to eat?' and she will make her way quickly and single-mindedly over to her chair.  
and speaking of eating, yes she does; almost anything and in huge amounts. she loves food and signs please with urgency whenever her plate is starting to empty.  i love watching her enjoy the textures of different foods, eating them off her bare belly when she has dropped a bite or two and they have come to rest on her rotund little self. 
she learns quickly and talks all the time.  her version of please is frequently heard as she walks around, looking at different things and requesting to have them as her own.  she calls me mama and robert dada and points out our faces in the photo in the hall. 
she throws her arms in the air when i yell 'hip hip', a trick that aunt martha taught her.  she smiles till her face is sore and till mine is sore from smiling back.  she loves her daddy something fierce and nearly jumps out of my arms when he comes into view. and when i hear her say mama, my world stops a little.

notice how the sign was as big as her torso in the one month photo. its blowing my mind how much she has grown.
i made this little video of bits of her first year.  its about ten minutes.  im pretty proud of how hard i worked to make sure i documented year one and i am pretty proud of this little video. watch if you like.

eden we have loved having you around for this whole year and cant wait to see how you grow and learn and change as the next one kicks off.  we pray that your little heart will soften and become sweet toward the things of God and toward our Savior as you grow.  
happy birthday!


Friday, August 8, 2014

on motherhood:one year

it seems unreal to me that, come monday, i will have been doing this motherhood gig for a year now.  it seems strange because part of me feels like, in becoming a mother, i have become something and someone that i have always been waiting to be.  but the other part of me feels like i am still trying to understand what and who i am now and i am a little unnerved at the idea that, after an entire year, i still dont really have answers to some really big questions.  i still dont know what my even keeled emotional standard is, since i still feel pretty out of control emotionally (high highs, low lows).  i love being with her and having her as my sidekick, but i also get so caught up in thinking about my life in relationship to her, that i sometimes forget what i like, what i prefer, what i think. my day used to revolve around my needs, and roberts.  and now mine always take a backseat to hers and to his.  so its just different and even after a year i have not figured out the balance.

my brain also cant get around how much my life has changed.  a year ago i had never met eden, i did not know what she looked like (aside from attempts to decode the funny 3d photo we got at our 20 week appointment), i did not know how my insides would feel when i look at her, i did not know my brain would re-orient itself around this tiny human and my priorities and preferences would be totally altered.

i did not understand how much i would LOVE being a mother.  i knew i would enjoy it, but i had no idea how much i would LOVE it.

i am so excited to be her mother during year two and watch wide eyed as she learns and grows and becomes the little girl who is quickly taking the place of my little baby. 

and also photos: eden loves the water and i love free stuff, so we frequent the splash pad and she is fearless. she walks right into the places where the water shoots up with extreme force and just babbles happily.  its awesome.  i love that she is adventurous and is not afraid of much.  i am sure more fear will come as she learns more about the world and the things that rightly induce caution.  but for now she just goes for it. 
her facial expressions are each worth a million dollars
world, meet betty neal, my grandmother. eden is her exact clone a few shades darker


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