Wednesday, November 18, 2015

baby two, month 4

diclegis.  that is the one word that sums up how i am doing right now.  i tried many many homeopathic means before turning to an anti nausea medicine because many other homeopathic means have helped me in various other areas of my health.  but diclegis is the anti nausea med that i have been on for a few weeks now and it makes the world of difference.  i rarely throw up anymore and my nausea is manageable.  in short, i feel like a real live person again.  and let me tell you people, its good to be a person.

i am terrible at selfies but i have been trying to take a pic every week or so.  eden got lovely, professional-grade fruit pics every week.  baby two, you get mostly bathroom and midwife's office.  sorry dear.

we find out in a few more weeks what the gender is and, while i feel girl, i really dont have any solid idea that i would bet on.  eden asks me daily about the baby, about my belly, and other pregnancy related topics.  i am more and more convinced that she will be a fantastic big sister.

its more than a little intimidating to think about having two because eden is, at the same time, the most delightful, exhausting, infuriating, that she has ever been.  how do mothers and fathers figure out how to go from one to two?  i know in my head that it has to work, because so many people have done it.  but on paper, i am just not sure i see the answer.  i am in the habit now of imagining, in any given moment, what it would be like if i also had an infant in my arms.  like if eden is throwing herself on the ground in public, fear grips me and i think 'God, what if i had a baby right now?'.  how would i pick her up, insist on obedience, and remind her how to get control of herself with a second curly haired muffin in my care simultaneously? how inconvenient!  how complicated! 

but i also have moments, where i am overwhelmed by the sweetness of a moment and i just imagine that having another little agaba to share it with would only multiply the sweetness. when i am snuggling eden for bed i think, 'yeah one more would fit perfectly right here'.  or when we are enjoying a family outing i just gush at the thought of a second little one in tow. how blissful!  how full my heart will be.   

i guess its going to be just like that, both inconvenient and complicated, and blissful and heart-filling.  

and we just have five more months to go.  i will savor these last few months of the incredible special that is having just one kid who gets all my mommy love and attention.  and i will turn my heart toward the idea of opening up, multiplying, duplicating, and reproducing all of this love for little number 2.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

eden these days

eden is super aware of the baby growing in me, and even though i knew in my head that it would be a sweet thing to behold, i was no where near prepared for the mama heart melting that is going on over here.  

eden: baby how  you day?
eden: baby you need a snack?
eden: baby come out! 
i fully expected her to notice baby and talk to it once my belly was an obviously huge entity. but the fact that she already engages with baby now, when my belly is still just a small little bump makes me so excited for how she will continue to respond as baby grows.  

and right now eden is just delighting me with her attitude about so many things.  we work so hard to try and help her have a thankful attitude, knowing that only God can give her a truly thankful heart.  and lately we have just seen such a pay off.  i will tell her something like 'look eden, i made you these wings for your tinkerbell costume' and she will respond right away and with glee 'ooooh dap you mommy!  i yub yooooo'.  i just can't even describe the joy at hearing her be thankful and delighted when i have done something for her.  and she thanks me all the time, with the same joy and delight.  i am not sure how long it will last, but i am soaking it up right now.

other things she has said lately include 

'oh my goodness' when she is excited
and 'oohhh mommy' when i do something silly 

whenever i leave her in the mornings: 'mommy i wanna be wif you, i miss you'.  cue heart explosion in this poor mommy 

the other day 'ohh pettty clouds, pettty sky.  God made sky!  i wanna thank God!'

i know that she does not understand the words that she is saying in any significant way, but every time she utters something in amazement and attributes it to God, i say a quiet little prayer that she will always be captivated by Him.  

Monday, October 26, 2015

baby 2, month 3

three months in and i am still pretty sick all day every day.  i did manage a whole day without throwing up recently, and it did alot to lift my spirits. and i like to think that i will be coming out of this soon.  i find more foods appetizing now which is wonderful, and i have been able to keep dinners down several evenings in a row.  i have gained back most of the weight i lost, which is good.  im hoping that just maybe ill be out of the worst of it soon.  

aside from the physical stuff i just can't help but wonder who this little person is, and how they are going to fit in with our family.  i know our family so well now. i know how the three of us interact, i know how robert and i tag team to care for eden's daily needs.  i know when he needs a break, he knows when i do and we know when we BOTH do.  we have a really good rhythm going and its just so strange to think that, in 6 months, an entirely new and unique member of our little team is going to be put into the game.  who will he or she be? and how will we change as a unit and as individuals once the new agaba arrives?

then of course i remember when it was just robert and me.  we had a routine, we knew what to expect, we had kinda figured out life as two.  and then i got pregnant with eden and had no idea how we would shift everything to make room for her.  and now that normal is SO normal and i can't imagine figuring out a new normal again.  

but i know, not too long from now, i will look at my baby, my daughter, and my husband and think, 'of course.  this makes perfect sense". 

recently eden said 'mommy, bring baby that over here', so i walked over to her while she was in her chair eating breakfast.  she reached up and put both hands on my belly and started talking the sweetest little words to the baby.  she finished with 'ok baby, we take nap tooogetha'.  

oh the mama joy that swelled up in my heart so big.  


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