Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Eden Says

life, people.  life.  its crazy and busy and time consuming and ALL consuming.  but im here now, for at least a few minutes. 
in the last few weeks eden has changed and grown so much that i continually find myself shaking my head in dismay when something she does or says just catches me totally off guard.  sometimes she will say something and, when i hear it, i realize that its not something i taught her, or even something that i said.  its allll her, picking up on bits of seemingly unimportant interactions between this person and that one, quietly internalizing it, and then astounding me when she spits it back out with her own twist.

she loves picking dandelions and then brushing off all the little bits.  she can't blow hard enough to do anything, but she tries.  and its cute  
these days when she wants me to hold her, she puts her arms out in this crooked and funny little way and mutters 'mama preese hoed du'.  i mean come on now, give a mother a chance.  how in the world do i say no to a curly haired mess of a child pleading from her crib at 5am that SHE wants to hold ME.  i can't even resist.  i do, because 5 am.  but i can't.

she also has an obsession with cheers-ing ev.er.y.thing these days.  she wants to cheers our dinner plates, our shoes, the buttons on our shirts, toothbrushes, vacuums (she with her little one and me with my big one).  i am not sure why she thinks its a thing to do with anything other than cups, but she just digs it. cheers

she got a 'reminder' recently for coloring on the wall at gramma and papa's house.  she really took it to heart because now she frequently runs up to walls and points, shaking her head, 'no cuyah'.  she also does that on books and clothes and anything that is not her paper.  the other day i was wearing a shirt that had speckled color designs on it.  she gave me the saddest face and pointed to my shirt 'no cuyah mommy', girl nearly cried about it.  and if she sees a scuff mark on the ground or a skid mark on the road, 'oh noooo mommy, no cuyah' is all i hear on repeat until i calm her down and tell her its ok, and that i know she didn't color on the road.  
and she loves her Bible.  she knows a few stories in there and opens up to them every time.  she flips to adam and eve and the serpent and yells 'no no no nake' while frowning profusely.  she opes to goliath and yells 'no no guyth' followed by more frowns.  then on to the lions in the lions den, where she growls and makes little biting motions.  apparently he Bible is just a book of bad and scary things.  i am trying to teach her Jesus.  but she is just learning 'no no snake'.  which i guess also works for the moment.


Tuesday, March 31, 2015

paper faces on parade

so im thirty now, thirty years and a week or so.  its feeling pretty good.  i am resolved to cherish and reflect and be really mindful of the blessings in my life this year.  i dont have time to waist.  i have a husband, a baby, and a growing business and im ready to take on this year with gusto.

a few weekends ago my incredible friends helped me plan and throw the 30th bash of my dreams.  a fancy shmancy masquerade complete with a gold-dusted cake, cutting a rug, and a rented designer gown.  it was a really special experience to be surrounded by people that i love, all dressed up and decked out, eating, dancing and drinking and celebrating with me.  christine took many of these photos and, as always, captured the ambiance of the moment.  

marla made an awesome photo booth area, and everyone grabbed their moment with props and masks and fashionable poses.  this post will just be the photo booth shots and ill post part two after you have had a moment to take in all of these.  

i rented a dress from renttherunway.com and i could not have been more thrilled with it. 
megan was my hero with this incredible un-dead beauty queen thing she had going on. look at that face, then imagine it attack-dancing you on the dance floor.  true story.   
everyone looked incredible but i have to comment on my housie, martha, the gorgeous blonde below.  she really committed to her crazy hair and wore bantu knots in her hair the whole day to get her hair to curl like that.  then she had a mask painted on to her face.  talk about your A game.  she was the ring leader of the whole affair and made it happen.  thank you forever martha.  
marla, with the candlestick below, worked all morning with me painting balloons, creating the photo booth, spray painting foliage.  what an incredible friend she is.  
 my siblings both traveled from out of state for the weekend which was incredibly special. 
being friends as adults is the absolute best 
 robert was an incredible date and made me feel like the bell of the ball all evening.

i follow with a post including dancing videos and more photos


   

Friday, March 13, 2015

I Asked the Lord that I Might Grow

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;

Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.


Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer
But it has been in such a way,

As almost drove me to despair.

-John Newton 

more faith.  more love.  more grace. more patience.  more wisdom.  more self-control.  all of these requests have rumbled around inside my heart and mind over the last days, weeks, years. and these, unlike many other requests i have made, i am confident honor the lord.  he delights when we ask for more faith, more patience, more self control. when we ask to know and understand more of his salvation of us, his sacrifice for us, it must bring him joy.  and i ask for these things, because they are the desire of my heart.  they are not the desire of the part of my heart that is still prone toward sin, that still is acquainted with folly and selfish indulgence.  but they are the desire of the part of my heart that is inclined toward God because he so inclined it.  and how i desire these things so very greatly.

but, and maybe i am alone in this, i often pray for these things as if i expect that God will super-impose them into my heart on demand.  more faith? 'boom'.  more love?  'bam'. more wisdom?  'voila'  more patience for your toddler?  'why of course, here you go'.  more humility toward your husband? 'and would you like fries with that?'

I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.


Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.


and i am sure that sometimes he does work like that, just granting us more of fruits of his spirit. however, i am noticing more and more, that when i ask for these things, and when God's answer is yes, as it always is to those things which please him, it usually means that he is going to bring about circumstances that grow them in me.  how does fruit end up on a tree?  has anyone ever noticed?  because i, in my very little knowledge of trees, have observed that it must grow.  it must start off small, it must go through a process, it must overcome obstacles. it must grow.  i have never seen fruit appear on a tree.  (again, obviously he can and does grant us these things when he deems that it should be so).

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.


Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
“’Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith."


you want more faith.  i grant that you will struggle and circumstances will not be what you had expected.  and i will grow faith in you

you want more love.  i grant that your heart will expand in ways, though sometimes painful, that i will use to grow love in you.

you desire more grace.  i will show you how my grace is sufficient by removing everything else that you think is.  this will be very difficult.  and i will grow grace in you.

you ask for more patience.  i will allow your toddler, your students, your life, your family, to stretch you so very far until you are at your wit's end, and by those means, i will grow my patience in you.

you seek to have more wisdom.  i will bring about situations which bring you to your knees because you are at the end of yourself and your ability to reason.  and then i will grow more wisdom in you.

more self-control.  i will show you how very little you control yourself.  i will make you acquainted with the most evil portions of your heart and allow that knowledge to undo you. and by this, i will grow self-control in you.

you want to know more of salvation.  you want to know more of what i have wrought by my life, death and resurrection.  i will allow you to come face to face with yourself at your most rotten core so that you may see that from which i have rescued you.  so that you may truly glory in your redeemer with freedom.


"These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me."


grant oh lord that i should grow, and truly grow, by whatever means you deem right and holy and appropriate.  that i may find my all in thee.

amen.
   

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