Tuesday, June 23, 2015

salty sea air

last weekend our house picked up and headed east to the salty sea air and virginia beach. my sweet grandmom, who eden calls 'yaya', lives near the beach so we stayed with her on friday night and then went to the beach on saturday morning.  
it was exactly what i needed.  a slow and sandy day with my little tribe, our housemate and her boyfriend. 
to say that eden liked the beach would be the understatement of the year.  she did not want to be held, she wanted to run into the water, get knocked over, get up on her own, and then do it again.  it was the best possible way a baby of mine could respond to the force of nature that has always left me in the most awe of God's consistency and power...the waves.  
watching her and robert run around in the shallows did this thing to my heart where it was all filled up with joy and aching at the same time.  so full of the joy of the moment, and aching that it was only that, a moment, that would never ever come again.  time is funny like that. even while we are savoring it, we are losing it, never to be had again.  if anything has challenged me to enjoy each moment and make sure to pay attention to what is happening, its being a mother.  this little human, who i prayed for and grew inside of me, will, God willing, become a young lady one day, and she will become my peer and my friend, and she will bind herself to a man and be his wife, and have her own little humans.  and i will miss these moments forever, and i will never be able to reorder them for one more go around.

so i did my best to capture the way i felt watching her.  
grandmom made pimento cheese for us to take to the beach and, in true jordan family fashion, eden ate her way through multiple heart-stopping good open-faced sandwiches (heavy on the sand).  
i have never loved swim suits, i just feel so exposed, but i have to say, i am in love with this one by Reyswimwear. its motto is to make throwback fashion suits, inspired by audrey, that are modest and stylish. its incredibly comfortable and it makes me want to wear my suit all summer long.  
a little dragonfly decided my flashy new salt water sandal was a great resting place.  he hung out for about 10 minutes
oh sweet salty sea air 
oh magical day off

a backyard, some brunch, and some babies

a few weeks ago, in order to properly kick off summer, we did a brunch thing where you bring you baby in a bathing suit and you bring some brunch food and you just relax while the kids (and dogs) run around and eat all the food cause its at eye level but you don't care cause you are too laid back.  because summer.  
in the five years that we have lived in richmond we have built this little community, not all represented in these photos, that really hold us together as a family.  and doing life is this partnership that we all participate in together.  its messy and busy and hectic, but the alternative is solitude and too much time for my sins to grow and fester without the correction that comes, both verbally and though example, from the people doing their lives in very close proximity to mine.  
events like this are not full of theological discussion or confession of sins.  but they give us a chance to live life in front of each other and witness the good, bad and ugly that make up each of our day-in-and-day-out journeys in marriage or parenthood or even just in living according to the Gospel. 

those who grow alone grow weird.  so i grow with these folks.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

so long, farewell

about a year ago i was home, at my childhood home, for what i thought would be the last time and i wrote THIS POST about how incredibly mixed my emotions were.  i thought it would be the last time i ever went home, but sadly it was not.  i traveled home one more time, in december, to bury the man who was like a second father to me.  and number eight was an incredible place for us to gather together and remember the way his tenor voice and his delightful laugh had once filled the halls.  it was the perfect place to say goodbye to Tom because its where i have the majority of my memories with him.  it feels like im losing him all over again today, since ill never get to be there again, or look around and know, 'hey, i was here with Tom, and it was great'.  so that's hard today.

yesterday my parents signed the final papers to transfer ownership of our place to some new family. a new family with young kids, who want to build their lives over top of our memories.  and its not so much about the physical place, though it is a beautiful house, its about the time logged. we have logged the hours there that we wont ever log anywhere else as a family.  the five of us Jordans will never spend years and years of countless time together, in each others' space, on each others' nerves, in each others' hearts, the way that we did there.  we wore  in the floorboards with hurried and excited steps as we did the day in and day business of life.  we filled each room with life.

i have not lived there in 12 years, since i was 18, but even though i was not there, my parents still were, at time with my siblings.  the people i know and love still gathered there. 

it was still our place.  our home base.

yet, and at some point today my parents will walk out of the house they built, look at it one last time, hug each other, get in the car and pull away.  and it will be over.  the ending of an era.  the beginning of a new era.
my childhood bedroom and the bathroom i shared with elise.

and its just hitting me hard today people.  i cried many a tear silently in the early hours of the morning while making oatmeal.

you were so so good to us number eight.  thank you for that, and farewell


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