Ivy Ann is ELEVEN months

august is drawing to a close and ives is finishing up her eleventh month.  this time next month she will be a one year old, which makes no sense.  i have recently held a few newborn babies and have had physical aches in my arms for the tiny version of ivy.  the version that yes, had terrible gas and didnt let me sleep, but also that needed me so completely, so acutely.  she still needs me of course, but its so different.  im reminded of an excerpt from a book i recently read (and LOVED), braiding sweetgrass... 

'i had known it would happen from the first time i held her, from that point on, all of her growing would be away from me.'  
ivy is walking better and better every day.  she still crawls when she needs to get somewhere quickly but her walk is sturdy and she chooses it more and more often.  its funny though, its a very thundering walk, she looks a bit like a monster thrashing around.  she's such a force, wherever she goes. 
she is really clingy to me these days which is equal parts annoying and endearing.  and she has started calling me mama, which of course i love. breastfeeding is coming to a close (her choice not mine) as she is less and less interested and far too busy.  this is creating an ache inside of me that i am powerless to prevent.  i have loved breast-feeding so much with each of my girls and i have not been ready when they have each decided to wean themselves.  every time she finishes a feed, i wonder 'will that be the last time?'.  its something i always dread.  im hoping we can keep morning and bedtime feeds going for at least a few more months.  our morning feeds are my favorite, when just the two of us are up at 7am and we sit on the front porch swing.  its a great way to start my day.
ivy is doing great sleeping in the same room with the girls.  she wakes up before them, before any of us should be awake, at around 5.  but we let her talk to herself and fuss and she goes back to sleep and magically the girls sleep through that most of the time.  she really enjoys her sisters and is always visibly excited when they come into a room after having been absent for a while.  
my baby is a toddler and she's almost one.  

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