This is a blog post for utter honesty, which I don't always like, because it is uncomfortable. But for your sake, and for the sake of the Gospel, I will be open here.
My husband and I moved to America, from Rwanda, about 6 months ago to get married and for my husband to go to school. We were so sure that God had 'big' things planned for us. I just knew I would get a teaching job and that Robert would be able to start school in the fall. We were so excited to get married and start a new
6 months after moving here, we are still both working random odd jobs, struggling to pay bills, and wondering what happened to all our big plans. I can't find a teaching job with a microscope and Robert can't start school because we can't afford it. What happened to God's plan for us? Did we mishear Him? Did He mislead us? What is God's plan for us? What does He have for us? If we obey Him, won't He provide for us? Even if we don't obey, won't He be merciful and still provide?
I keep asking these questions and then I realized something. Many of us say that 'God will provide'. But what does that really mean? There are obviously Christians, actual Christ-following people, who do not have everything they 'need' according to this world. In fact, many die, including the disciples themselves, in horrible ways. I think, all too often, we believe that God will provide for us according to what we think we need. But that is clearly not the teaching of the Bible. God often has different plans than we do. And when I say things like 'God will provide', or 'God will be glorified in my life' I am obviously thinking that He will provide for me according to me, and that He will be glorified because people will see His provision.
But what is that is backwards? What if God decides to glorify Himself by putting us through trial after trial, as He did Job? What if what He deems necessary for life is much less than what is necessary according to my assessment. What if, when I am asking questions like 'what does God have for us?', He wants to hear me asking what He wants of us. What if when I ask about His plans for my life, he Wants me to ask Him how to make Him the center of my life, regardless of what I can or CANNOT understand. What if I have been asking the wrong questions?
This has brought about alot of questioning in my heart and I am determined that, if nothing else, I will ask the right questions from now on. I will ask what I can do to glorify God, not what He is doing to make my life the way I think it should be.
And I challenge you all to question your questions as well.