in some seasons of my life i seem to find time to write fairly often. this is not one of those seasons. this is one of those seasons where my kids like to make themselves into chimney sweeps and i give them permission because i can't think of a good reason why they shouldn't get filthy and enjoy being outside together for hours on end.
this season is one where i am moving, on my feet, almost constantly from the time my alarm wakes me up (yes thank God most days my alarm wakes me up and then i go wake up my baby who is sleeping through till the morning!!!) till the time i wipe the last nose and pat the last head of curly hair and say the last goodnights of the day. and when, in the middle of the day, i do sit down during the quiet time, i am almost always working. sometimes its computer work like finances or planning for school, and sometimes its knitting or cleaning or folding. but even when i sit, im not really at rest. its a very exhausting time in life.
but honestly it hits the sweet spot for me; exhausted every night, ready to sleep, content that i have worked hard and done important work. someone told me recently that her perception, through her observation of my social media, is that i really think this time in life is magical. and while social media is obviously a very curated presentation of life and never a place where we get a complete story, i do feel like she perceived correctly that i DO think this time in life is magical. and i know that many women talk about losing themselves in motherhood and the constant battle to find themselves again. and i understand that and appreciate the complexities of it. and there are certain parts of me that are dusty and gathering a few cowebs while i do the day to day work of motherhood. but for the most part, i feel that i have discovered so much about who i am through motherhood. and, even more substantially, that i have learned so much more about who God is through my experience as a mother. and i really do love it.
hear me. i lose my patience alot. i am constantly repenting, particularly to my eldest, of my lack of self control or the times i decide not to extend grace and to be harsh and domineering. i do not find motherhood easy, or simple. but i do love it, and i am very fulfilled by the work it requires and by the way i am feeling God refine me through it.
and in our culture, where i feel often that children are looked at as cute accessories at best, and burdens at worst, i really am thankful that God has filled my heart with delight in my girls. in fact sometimes i think the reason i like taking them with me in public so much is that i want to be seen in public enjoying my children. i want people to know that there are parents out there that DO really like their kids. i want people to know that children are important people, and that they are a blessing.
and hear me again, this is not because my kids are perfect. and its not because i am perfect. its because i believe that they have inherent worth and that it is a blessing to have them, regardless of how 'good' they are in any given circumstance, and regardless of how well i do any certain day. and i actually enjoy their company so i like having them with me. (although i do take plenty of time to do things without them, especially in the evenings during which i frequently meet up with friends).
and i am aware that this season of life is incredibly brief and fast paced. and i am resolved to suck every last bit of enjoyment that i can out of the daily mundane day to day tasks that come with staying at home, homeschooling and influencing and raising my little women.
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