today the sweet baby girl who made me a mama wrapped up her fifth year of life and moved right on to year six. and while every birthday has seemed to take me by surprise and totally blow my mind, five is just a different story. five, as eden keeps telling us all, is a whole hand. half of ten.
and being eden's mom has been the thrill of my life. truly i will never be able to express the joy that flooded over me as i welcomed her into the world. she made me into a different person than i ever was before. she hired me for the job i had been waiting a lifetime to take on. she made me a mother. and even though i love my other girls with the same fierce love, there is just something about the one who make you a parent.
and man does she bring me joy. her mind is just exploding with ideas and her personality seeps out of her every pore. there is nothing about her boring or ordinary or mundane. she is just vibrance, through and through. and its most thoroughly exhausting. and its also magical to watch. when i find myself weary of her words or questions or thoughts, i remind myself that i will not always be the first person she goes to with all of what she deems her most important information or news. and i will miss it terribly then.
this parenting journey has also been really challenging during different seasons. we are currently in one of those seasons. its like my sinful tendencies and hers seem to rub each other the wrong way and ignite flame before we even know what has happened. there is an unkind and impatient voice she uses with her sister, and its mine all the way.
this girl is so like me in so many ways, including the things that make my life hard. the things about me that make relationships hard, and have caused me hurt my family and friends, are getting early roots down into her. i see so many of those sinful pulls in her. and i am SO determined to help her gain self control over them, in order to protect her from the ways i have hurt people over the years.
but i am afraid i squash her little spirit too often. i put the weight of all my past sins, and current ones, on her. and i govern her without grace or allowance for the holy spirit to work in her. this next year i am praying that God will help me have the appropriate amount of grace with her, guiding her and modeling the gospel for her. while also continuing to teach her and help her avoid the pitfalls that await each of us who are born a sinners (aka all of us).
one of the big ways God is challenging me to grow as a mother is in the beginning of our home school adventure. we started school this week and, two days in, i can already tell its going to be both the best possible use of my time, and the biggest undertaking of my years with children at home. eden and i had a really great time together, reading poetry, remembering our favorite scripture verses, narrating favorite passages, and attempting to set a new rhythm for our daily life. this sixth year of her life promises alot of growth for us both.
eden you are so loved, and so valued, and such an important part of team agaba. these next few weeks will find you filling your new role as a super big sister, and i am so so glad that God saw fit to make you the biggest sister in our crew of little women. happy fifth birthday!
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