i dont know about you other mamas out there but having a 3.5 year old is just an incredible thing. incredible because of the ways that i am tested and tried and stretched and DRIVEN CRAZY. incredible because of the way her mind works and the things she is learning and internalizing and owning. incredible because i get glimpses into the girl she will be, maybe even the young lady she will be.
she is full up to her eyeballs of emotion and drama. she enters a room with her arms raised out to her sides like she is making her debut on stage. she loves her family so much and frequently tells us how much she loves 'to be with the whole team agaba.' she loves to help me with pretty much any task and is getting more skilled at completing her morning routine which consists of getting dressed, making her bed, brushing teeth, clearing the table, sweeping and general tidying. she remembers the lyrics to songs and the verses of poems and she loves to be read to at all hours of the day. when she dances she first curtsies and then bows, playing the role of both parties. when something hurts her she pronounces it 'hurt-es'.
she is learning to manipulate, she is learning to lie, i am learning to teach her not to. its a constant back and forth. its a constant of setting my sights, making sure they are on point, trying to parent through something for which i am not prepared, and then returning again to make sure that my sights are still set on the right things.
its exhausting. and its exhilarating.
then there is the baby, the almost year old baby girl. she is 98% delightful, 2% all out screaming. there is not really much in between. she is either blissful or pissed off and since the blissful takes up the vast majority of our time, the other stuff catches me way off guard. she loves to mimic whoever is currently interacting with her, she loves to snuggle, she hates to be left waiting in her crib. shes learning. she is learning to sign, in both english and kinyarwanda, she loves to be outside, she laughs at things that are funny. she says 'mama' sweeter than any human ever has.
i have moments where i totally lose my cool. eden has asked me 'why' for the hundreth time and etta is in the 2% making us all miserable and i just think 'WHO in the world could handle this? HOW can this be my day?'
but then i take a breath and remember.
this is my only life
these are my children
this is my only chance
i am the only mother they will ever have
and i ask the good Lord to give me His perspective into the holiness of the moment. the uniqueness of the moment. the fact that he gave it to us to live well. he gave it to me to mother well.