When they need more than i have

both girls crying.  screaming really.  etta mae because she was hot and hungry and eden because she had a stomach ache that seemed to be getting more and more painful.  it was a really hot day and, a few moments prior, i had been enjoying a moms day at the pool with some of my dearest friends.  i had been talking to a new friend, one that i had been really wanting a chance to get to know, when the mayhem began.  and let me tell you, i was not in the mood for it.  

i mean, when are you ever in the mood for having both kids break down and need you at the exact same sticky hot moment?  when are you ever enticed by the idea of pushing the stroller with a screaming/sweating two month old while trying to carry pool bags AND your nearly three year old who is also crying...

i had this moment where i just knew that people were looking at me and making a judgement.  maybe they were trying to figure out if i deserved this breakdown because i had not prepared or parented or correctly.  maybe they were thinking (like i am confident the mostly naked teenage girls were) that they would NEVER have children.  were they pitying me?  who knows.  (and who cares frankly).  i cant control what anyone thinks and i know my mom pals were all tracking with me, so...moving on. 

aint nobody got time for that.

what really got me at the moment was that both of my girls needed the exact same thing from me, at the exact same moment.  hands down this has been the hardest adjustment for me in the last two months as i went from being a mom of one to a mom of two.  etta mae needed me to unstrap her, hold her, whisper in her ear, and stick her on my boob. eden needed me to make her stomach feel better (lord knows how) and to give her my full mama attention.  only problem was, they sneak attacked me at the same freaking time and place, and i was only one of me.  

and i just have to say that i said an out loud 'lord help me' and repeated a million 'its alrights' and got through the moment without breaking down.  ( i did, however, forget the item that a friend had left on my tire for me because once i got them in the car i was leadfood laura and got out of there as fast as i could).  but once i got them both in the car, and they both fell asleep on the way home (because of course they did) i let out a breath and wondered how in the heck we women do this.  how do we continually split ourselves to care for more and more people.  husband.  child.  second child. on and on.  its incredible that we women can multi-task and multi-give the way that we do.  its a God-given ability, i have no doubt at all.  and its really really hard sometimes.  

nothing profound here.  its just hard.

and i am proud of myself for surviving.  and i am proud of you too mama friend.  


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