baby two, month 4

diclegis.  that is the one word that sums up how i am doing right now.  i tried many many homeopathic means before turning to an anti nausea medicine because many other homeopathic means have helped me in various other areas of my health.  but diclegis is the anti nausea med that i have been on for a few weeks now and it makes the world of difference.  i rarely throw up anymore and my nausea is manageable.  in short, i feel like a real live person again.  and let me tell you people, its good to be a person.

i am terrible at selfies but i have been trying to take a pic every week or so.  eden got lovely, professional-grade fruit pics every week.  baby two, you get mostly bathroom and midwife's office.  sorry dear.

we find out in a few more weeks what the gender is and, while i feel girl, i really dont have any solid idea that i would bet on.  eden asks me daily about the baby, about my belly, and other pregnancy related topics.  i am more and more convinced that she will be a fantastic big sister.

its more than a little intimidating to think about having two because eden is, at the same time, the most delightful, exhausting, infuriating, that she has ever been.  how do mothers and fathers figure out how to go from one to two?  i know in my head that it has to work, because so many people have done it.  but on paper, i am just not sure i see the answer.  i am in the habit now of imagining, in any given moment, what it would be like if i also had an infant in my arms.  like if eden is throwing herself on the ground in public, fear grips me and i think 'God, what if i had a baby right now?'.  how would i pick her up, insist on obedience, and remind her how to get control of herself with a second curly haired muffin in my care simultaneously? how inconvenient!  how complicated! 

but i also have moments, where i am overwhelmed by the sweetness of a moment and i just imagine that having another little agaba to share it with would only multiply the sweetness. when i am snuggling eden for bed i think, 'yeah one more would fit perfectly right here'.  or when we are enjoying a family outing i just gush at the thought of a second little one in tow. how blissful!  how full my heart will be.   

i guess its going to be just like that, both inconvenient and complicated, and blissful and heart-filling.  

and we just have five more months to go.  i will savor these last few months of the incredible special that is having just one kid who gets all my mommy love and attention.  and i will turn my heart toward the idea of opening up, multiplying, duplicating, and reproducing all of this love for little number 2.