it seems unreal to me that, come monday, i will have been doing this motherhood gig for a year now. it seems strange because part of me feels like, in becoming a mother, i have become something and someone that i have always been waiting to be. but the other part of me feels like i am still trying to understand what and who i am now and i am a little unnerved at the idea that, after an entire year, i still dont really have answers to some really big questions. i still dont know what my even keeled emotional standard is, since i still feel pretty out of control emotionally (high highs, low lows). i love being with her and having her as my sidekick, but i also get so caught up in thinking about my life in relationship to her, that i sometimes forget what i like, what i prefer, what i think. my day used to revolve around my needs, and roberts. and now mine always take a backseat to hers and to his. so its just different and even after a year i have not figured out the balance.
my brain also cant get around how much my life has changed. a year ago i had never met eden, i did not know what she looked like (aside from attempts to decode the funny 3d photo we got at our 20 week appointment), i did not know how my insides would feel when i look at her, i did not know my brain would re-orient itself around this tiny human and my priorities and preferences would be totally altered.
i did not understand how much i would LOVE being a mother. i knew i would enjoy it, but i had no idea how much i would LOVE it.
i am so excited to be her mother during year two and watch wide eyed as she learns and grows and becomes the little girl who is quickly taking the place of my little baby.
and also photos: eden loves the water and i love free stuff, so we frequent the splash pad and she is fearless. she walks right into the places where the water shoots up with extreme force and just babbles happily. its awesome. i love that she is adventurous and is not afraid of much. i am sure more fear will come as she learns more about the world and the things that rightly induce caution. but for now she just goes for it.