the weight of it all

disclaimer, this post is the raw emotion that i am feeling in this moment.  

the last few days and weeks i have been bombarded and reminded about the darkness that is in this world.  

i am haunted daily with thoughts of the things that are undoubtedly happening to the nearly three hundred girls who have been kidnapped in nigeria.  the thought of having my daughter kidnapped and possibly sold into sex slavery is revolting and gnaws at the marrow in my bones. those mothers and fathers who are waiting, with little help from their government, to hear where and what and why and how...dreading the answers to all those questions.  

the woman who posted a video of her abortion in new jersey, showing off her 'freedom' to do what she wants with her unborn child. the fact that a depressed panda in china and a dead cheetah cub in an american zoo are news-breaking tragedies but the story that thousands upon thousands of babies are sacrificed daily to the gods of convenience is championed as a triumph of women's rights.

the ongoing suffering of people around the world in countries where there is war, rebellion, and chaos in the streets.  syria, ukraine, pakistan, afghanistan, egypt.  the all out hell that is, and has been, tearing apart the democratic republic of the congo, the central african republic, south sudan...the list goes on

the eight year old boy who was beat to death last week because he tried to stop a teenage boy from raping his 12 year old sister.

the students that i talked with this morning, who are suicidal because they have disabilities and are daily assaulted with a new breed of bullying that makes meeting behind the building for an old fashioned fight seem quaint.  the golf ball sized tears one of these girls shed with me this morning because she does not have one single friend.  people are afraid of her because she is different.  the things people have posted about her on social media. the unforgivable taunts that classmates have hurled at her.

my student whose muscles are dying a little bit each day who has, at the age of 15, given up on life and decided he is better off dead. the way his peers have encouraged him to think this way and told him that he is right.    

honestly, its too much.  it makes me angry and discouraged and frightened.  
i end up, like a vulture, circling the same questions over and over again in my mind...

why God.  

how God? 

when God?  

i used to read the story of noah's ark in the Bible and think 'how could the world be so bad that God, in His wisdom, knew that nothing short of a fresh start would do?'  now i understand.  and now i see the enormous grace in God promising not to destroy the world again with a flood. what a patient and long suffering God we have that He would forbear so much and show so much grace and allow even the worst of these to come to repentance. what sovereignty He has over all things.  and what hope their is in His ultimate justice.  justice that we do not see in this life.  

and what a profound privilege to share God's heart for the suffering and wounded and weak.  

would you join me in prayer for those girls and their families?  for the men who have kidnapped them?  for the women who are, at this very moment, making decisions about allowing life to grow or to destroy it?  for the women who already have had abortions?  for the thousands of suicidal teenagers in this country who have been told that life is meaningless, that they are the result of random evolution, and that their life has no value?  for the kids being bullied.  for the ones doing the bullying.  pray that God would bring relief, pray that He would work salvation into the hearts of many. pray people.  please pray.


  1. Praying. I really appreciate the rawness of this post and appreciate that you feel and care so deeply for people.


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