when i am more like my baby than i'd like to admit

every morning i get eden out of her crib just before 7:00 am.  sometimes she has been awake for thirty minutes already and sometimes i get to wake her, which i love by the way.  we go open the curtain together and she is all smiles and happy babbling. 

but then, as soon as i sit down to feed her and she focuses in on her desire to eat, she loses it. its like those few seconds between when i sit down and when she gets access to breakfast throw her into a state of chaos.   i find the same phenomenon when i switch sides half way through her feeding. and i frequently say the same thing to her as she is losing it 'have i ever not fed you?'  'have i ever not given you everything you needed?'  'have i ever left you in your crib forever?'...'and yet you still don't trust me'.

and it occurred to me this morning as this same scene was playing out again that i am much more like my 8 month old baby than i would like to admit.  every day i am sustained and kept by the grace of God.  every day He wakes me up, gives me breath, provides my daily bread.  has He ever not fed me?  has He ever forgotten me?  has He ever failed to meet my needs and sustain me?  has He ever left me to fend for myself? of course not.

but, like i said, i am a lot more like my baby than id like to admit.  and i forget, monthly, weekly, daily, hourly that God has never once failed me.  i don't trust His provision, even though He has provided for me every day of my 29 years.  i don't trust that He remembers me, even though He knows the hairs on my head.  i don't trust that He can save me, even though He did and its done.

motherhood is a sanctifying thing.  and im sure that i will observe behaviors in eden time and again that are childish and foolish and are little mirrors of my own foolish ways.

Jesus Jesus, precious Jesus
Oh for grace to trust Him more


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