when something drops

at any given time there are between 10 and 15 balls being juggled around and above my head.  you may not see them, but oh let me tell you, they are there.  they are big things like figuring out where to live and how much rent we could pay.  they are small things like remembering that we need more paper towels and saran wrap.  they are spiritual things like figuring out why i am so impatient and resolving to work on that and they are physical things like figuring out what to pack for everyone's lunches the next day.

its crazy and confusing and overwhelming.  do you know what i mean?  does this happen to you?

mamas out there i am talking to you.

most of the time i can juggle most of them and pull it off with some class.  but it has come to my attention lately that some of those juggling balls are going to get knocked out of orbit and fall through the cracks of my carefully calculated system.  and recently the one that falls (or is not even up there in the first place) is deep cleaning.  i just can't figure out when i would add in a regular clean of things in my house.  sure, its fake clean most of the time.  you know fake clean.  its the clean where if you look around the room real quickly and don't rest your eyes on anything for too long, it looks clean.  but get eye level with that shelf and dust is what you will find.  look under the couch and...don't do it.

but seriously something is going to get dropped.  it can't be eden, it can't be my work, it can't be groceries or food or lunches.  it can't be robert.  it can't be social things (unless i want to go crazy cause those things are sometimes the only things keeping me sane).  it can't be community group or bible study or church.

its going to be deep cleaning.

and im going to have to be ok with that until a season of life where i am home and can tend to those tasks when i have not worked an 8 hour day and taken care of my family.  i am going to have to not be hard on myself even if my grandmom will comment on the dust (and you know you will grandmom).  

its going to have to be a little messy.

c'est la vie.