one half of one year

i have been alive for almost 29 years.  but this one half of this one year has by far been the most significant and shaping time in my life.  my eden is six months old today.  six months. time has gone by so incredibly fast that i almost feel like someone skipped through the last six months and landed me here without letting me experience anything in real time. six months ago i was laboring to bring this ball of joy into this world.  six months ago i had not even met her.  i had never found myself lost in those deep vast eyes.  i had never had my breath caught up by the sounds she makes.  i had never gushed bliss out of my pores because she reached up and touched my cheek.

six months.  one half of one year has gone by since eden isimbi graced us.  six months

in those six months i have added countless lessons to my repertoire

how to breast feed (and pump eek)

how to stay up all night and not die (but sometimes feel like i want to)

how to override my needs for the sake of hers (on repeat)

how to do fifteen hundred things in one day and not drop one single ball (and also how to drop every single ball in the same day at the same time while the smoke alarm goes off but not let me undo me)

how to read the language of tears and smiles and all the facial expressions that come between

how to trust my God-given maternal instincts 

how to trust God (and how little i trust God).

those are just a few

in those six months eden has also added countless lessons to her repertoire

how to sleep through the night

how to smile a smile that can turn my insides to mush 

how to roll over both ways (how to roll over twice in a row and end up under her dresser before i even know what has happened)

how to bounce and bounce and bounce in her jump up

how to sit for long periods of time

how to grab and hold things 

how to eat solid foods and hold her hands in her lap while doing so, like a little lady

how to charm the socks off any and every living creature

how to smile such a big gummy smile that i cannot help but laugh

how to hold my heart in the palm of her little hand (and also how to rip my hair out with that same little hand)

eden these six months have been so absolutely sublime and your warmth has taken the edge off all these cold winter days. i cannot wait to show you spring