the inevitable return

for the past five weeks i have spent all day, every day, with my sweet eden.  i have been there for her wake times and sleep times and feed times and poop times.  i have seen gas-induced smiles and comforted gas-induced tears.  i have pulled my hair out in confusion and i have laughed out loud in joy.  all these seemingly unimportant moments when looked at one by one have added up to her entire life.  and i have not missed any of it yet.  

the easy and the hard.  i have been there for all of it.

but next week i have to go back to work and i have to trade all those things in for a desk and co-workers and students and hours spent away from my daughter.  and im not going to lie, im not looking forward to it.  now thankfully i like my job, so i am sure this is so much easier on me than it is for moms who do not like their jobs, but really the job i want to do all day is take care of eden, so even a job i like is...not all that appealing at the moment.

and we are also incredibly blessed in our child care situation.  eden will be with the most wonderful family and taken care of by a smart, capable and sweet-hearted young lady who i know will love her and attend to her with compassion and gentleness.  and i won't have to worry about her safety or the integrity of her care.  so i am very thankful.

but for the record, im having a hard time with it.  i am selfish and i want to be there for all those little, seemingly unimportant moments that have added up to her whole life so far. 

and i would appreciate prayers as next tuesday looms in the way too near future.