You Give And Take Away

I have always known, beyond any doubt, that according to God, each life is valuable from the moment of conception.

I have always believed this, I have never doubted.  There are very few things that fall into this category of personal, unwavering,assurance,and the value of life is an absolutely one.  

As a believer, attempting to read the Word to know how to honor God, not simply to figure out what I can get away with, I think that the answer about the value of life is quite clear.

But this last week, I came to a new understanding of the value of life; 

of God's heart for each unborn child...

because I lost my unborn child.

I was five weeks pregnant, my husband and I were delighting in the prospect of a new life, and a new family.  My body was already making huge adjustments to the little one, and it was absolutely blissful.     

Then, this past weekend, I lost my baby.  The details are not to be the subject of this post, but let me say it was painful, both physically and emotionally.

While this is easily the greatest loss I have ever known, I do not want this post to be about my personal loss, but rather what God has already taught me, and was teaching me even in the midst of the loss, about who He is, and how He sees the value of life.

1.  When I opened my verse of the day email on Saturday, still very physically ill from the process,it was the clearest message that God has ever spoken directly to me.  "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return.  The Lord has given and the Lord has taken away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord" Job 1:21.  The daily verses are randomized and I could have gotten one of over 30,000 verses, and I got Job 1:21.  

And that is a profound gift.

2.  I am honored, in a very sober way, to be able to mourn the loss of an unborn child.  Unborn children are killed every day all around this world.  And EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM deserves to be mourned.  Because every single one of them was a life lost.  I get to share God's heart in that now.  

And that is a profound gift.

3.  I got to love my baby for 5 weeks.  I got to thank God for His goodness, I got to share joy with my husband, I got to delight in the miracle that is a growing baby inside of me.  

And that is a profound gift.

4.  I now understand more of what it means that we can rejoice in our suffering because suffering produces perseverance,  perseverance character, and character hope.  And hope does not disappoint us.  I always believed this verse in Romans, but i did not really understand how suffering can lead to hope.  But it can, and it does, when we realize that our hope is NEVER in our circumstance, and always in our God.  And that hope can never disappoint.  

And that is a profound gift. 

5.  I have been able to share what God is doing in my life, and it has caused other's to trust God more.  And I cannot think of a greater mercy than God being gracious enough to use a circumstance in the life of a sinner like me, to spread honor for His name.  

And that is a profound gift.

I encourage you all to look to God in every circumstance. What a joy to trust that NOTHING is meaningless, that EVERYTHING is purposed by the creator and sustainer of all life.  That we can never lose anything He intends us to have, and we can never gain anything He has not intended.  He is perfectly sovereign and in control.

And that is a very profound gift indeed.