What I thought I wanted, and What I got instead

We all make plans for our lives.  Even if we don't hold on to them too tightly or build them up as giant idols, we still have an idea about how we want things to go, where we want to be by a certain time, what we want our lives to look like.  Graduate college, get a job, get married, wait 2 years, have a child...  (There is NOTHING wrong with that life, its the way alot of people happen to do it and in fact, its what I thought I wanted).  If you had told me 3.5 years ago, as I was thinking about what to do after graduation, that I would go to Africa, fall in love with it, fall in love with a village boy Rwandan, and end up back in Richmond with no job...I would have laughed, cried, and walked away.

But, here I am!  God has broken every plan I had for myself.  He has undone all the things in which I had hope (my education, my financial security, the predictability of my life).  And Thank God He had the mercy and compassion to do so.  Had he not, I would never have met my husband.  And, more importantly, I would not have come to the understanding of God's sovereignty, providence, and wisdom.  I know many people learn lessons like I have in many different ways. We serve a God who can work through so many different methods.  But for me, following the plan I had for myself, what I thought I wanted, would have kept me in my security zone, recognizing God as my provider, but not really knowing in my soul that it was true based on experience.  I would have mentally acknowledged his providence, no problem.  But I would not have looked at my life and been able to say "See, here, this is proof".  (Not to say that there was no proof, or that God had not been providing, but rather that I was so deep in sin that I might not have recognized it).

Would Abraham have known God's faithfulness if God had not asked him to sacrifice Isaac?  Would Moses have truly understood God's might if He had not chosen a weak and stuttering man to do something uncomfortable?  Would Paul have ever come to know Christ if he had not been literally knocked off his feet?  Who knows?  Perhaps God knew that He had to shatter the plans of his chosen ones and re-direct them in His way.  He knows that we would never chose Him or His plans of our own volition because we love our own way and our pride.  

God is so gracious.

If you know me, or my blog posting style, you know that I am really touched by songs.  Particularly Sara Groves songs. And so I leave you with there lyrics from a song of hers...


 I passed understanding a long, long time ago
And the simple home of systems and answers we all know
What I thought I wanted and I what I got instead
Leaves me broken and somehow peaceful


What it was I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and grateful