baby 2, month 2

i wrote this about a month ago, but obviously could not share at the time...

ten weeks in and im feeling like someone tricked me. eden's was a difficult pregnancy, the throwing up, the tired that would not quit, the aversions to anything but junk food.  it was rough.  but somehow God did the minor major miracle of making me forget how bad it was. i mean i knew that it had been hard, but i could not remember the feelings themselves.

let me tell you, i remember now.  this pregnancy has been a good deal harder than my previous one which has me wondering how in the world i'll ever have a third.  but we will worry about that later. this time around its a whole lot of puking, all the live long day.  the change is that, while i felt relief from nausea in between bouts of vomit last time, there is NO relief from it at all this time.  from the moment i open my eyes until i shut them at night, im just sick all.the.time.  and when i do throw up, i have this magical little two year old fairy who comes running yelling 'mama trow up??? eda pat mamas back'.
 mama too tummy hurt?' 

yes, darling, my tummy does hurt.  and you patting my back does help, somehow.  so does your pretending to puke with me.  solidarity? she stands right there, in the thick of it, asking questions every time i shove my head in the toilet.

'mama k?'

'mama trow up?'
'eda help flushy toilet!!!???'
'mama all done?'

yes im ok, yes im throwing up, no dont flush yet, and yes honey, im just fine. mamas baby is just making her a little sick.

'mama have a baby in belly?  eda have a baby sister in my belly too!!!'

awesome honey.  now if you dont mind, here comes lunch...

ok and holy cow the tired.  the tiiiiired that is making life go so stinking slowly right now.  i mean, its fast, cause i have a two year old, and a job, and a life, but its slow in that i cannnnnnot move in any speed other than really very tortoise-like.  my limbs feel so heavy when the worst of it hits that i worry they will fall off if i try to use them.  and i can't keep my eyes open for the life of me.  eden will put her hand on my arm when im yawning or laying down at 4:30pm and say 'ohhh, mama too tiad?' yes dear, mommy is too tired.

i can't tell if its actually more this time or if i just have less ability to fall face first into the couch when i get home and never move again.  with a crazy wild two year old i have no down time until she is asleep so its just really exhausting, down to my bones.

just reminds me how motherhood is a sacrifice from start to finish.  from the moment your body is taken over by another human with needs and demands and side effects, to the first early weeks of having a new born, to when they are a stubborn and vibrant two year old, and beyond.

its all worth it.  im so thankful.  i can't wait to meet this little one.